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Old 12-11-2018, 05:39 AM   #1
edmck
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I Never Saw It Coming

I guess I’m reaching out here, never done anything like this before. I’m 75. Three months ago I was happily married to a beautiful woman 16 years younger. Now I’m a divorced man living alone at a Mesa, AZ RV resort in a 2011 Montana 3100 RL. Discovered her affair, she asked for a divorce so I left and found this super clean 5th wheel and had it delivered to an over 55 park. Living alone sucks. We came to Arizona from northern Michigan several years ago to be close to her ageing parents. Our friends were mostly her family and with the divorce I am suddenly isolated. This park is a very socially active place with events going on nearly every day. But it’s too depressing watching all these retired couples having fun together. Divorce is hard at my age but I need to figure this out. Other people go through hard times in life and they survive. Hate being alone all the time, especially this time of the year. That’s it, just clearing my mind this morning. Wish I could have my life back.
 
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Old 12-11-2018, 07:16 AM   #2
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Nobody loves you more than Jesus. Seek him and you will find him. In the mean time hang in there and relax a bit.
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Old 12-11-2018, 07:25 AM   #3
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Dear Edmck,
Keep your chin up. I would say that half the members have been divorced. Me included. You are obviously in a mourning period and it too shall pass. Perhaps do a lot of volunteer work or join some clubs that involve physical activity to keep your mind off your present situation. Or volunteer with a group like the Salvation Army that provides meals to the down and out during the holiday period. You mentioned being "lonely" a couple of times. The previous activities would help alleviate that feeling. It is going to take time. Best of luck!
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Old 12-11-2018, 07:32 AM   #4
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edmck I feel for you. I've been divorced twice. My current wife and I have been together almost 25 years now. With that said, there are two pieces of advice I can try to offer you. First, get rid of the anger as quickly as possible. Anger will do nothing but tear you down. Second, as hard as it may be, don't isolate yourself. That's the worst thing you can do. Go have coffee, play cards, play golf or whatever with the guys. Stay away from the couples thing at first. Then ease yourself back into the couples thing. If you are a nice guy, nobody will think badly of you. Trust me on this. I've been there, done that and have two tee shirts that say so. Good luck!
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Old 12-11-2018, 07:44 AM   #5
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From another up north michigan (roscommon/higgins lake) guy I am also sorry.


Just keep busy and things do get easier as time goes on.
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Old 12-11-2018, 10:01 AM   #6
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You are Not alone. Life is too short to waste even a moment. As others have said donít isolate yourself. Your best friend is in the mirror.
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Old 12-11-2018, 10:05 AM   #7
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First we are very sorry for what happened to you. We hope you enjoy being here and this helps you in some small way. We do care.
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Old 12-11-2018, 03:12 PM   #8
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If you want to volunteer, check out Habitat For Humanity. You can volunteer with the house building mission, or volunteer in the Restore. I've been going to the Restore one day a week, when in town, for 12 years. All items are donated and we are a retail store open to all. Habitat is a good program, the people that get the houses have to put in "sweat equity" and have to pay for them. That's why I like it, it is not a gubmint give away program.
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Old 12-11-2018, 04:30 PM   #9
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Edmck,

Keep your head up, you have received some decent advice here already. If it gets too hard look for some professional help before you do anything stupid.
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Old 12-26-2018, 01:38 PM   #10
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Yes, things take time to get over get used to etc. If you're religious good for you. But nothing and no one will be better for you than you. Take care of yourself. You sound like a good person. Stop keeping it a secret. You absolutely must get out there! No matter what make a point at least one a day (4-5 X's even better) to have a good face to face conversation with someone. The sooner you do the better and quicker you will feel like yourself again. You have to make yourself do it. You'll see. Life will seem brighter and brighter as you do it.
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Old 12-26-2018, 01:44 PM   #11
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Noted you are on the right track by reaching out and hoping you can keep doing just that when you are up to it. Just curious - at the park you are in, they are all married couples? Or maybe it just seems that way? We all deal with stress in different ways (as you can read by some of your responses) - wondering how you dealt with it in the past? At your age and situation, 3 months can seem a long time what with (maybe) poor sleeping and asking "what did I do wrong", etc. So - how did you overcome bad events in the past and keep reaching out when you are feel like doing so.
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Old 12-26-2018, 02:18 PM   #12
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Well for what it is worth, the same thing happened to me, except I was 52 and had been married for twenty four years- she decided she still loved her high school sweetheart. Much agony later and the divorce was final. So I looked across the street and found the love of my life. A woman I had known as a friend for twenty years. Thirteen years later and I have a wonderful daughter, grand daughter and son in law. So my message is be patient and see who lives across the street. Love will come back to you and love always triumphs. Best of luck. Steve
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Old 12-26-2018, 02:21 PM   #13
N1282X
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Quote:
Originally Posted by edmck View Post
I guess I’m reaching out here, never done anything like this before. I’m 75. Three months ago I was happily married to a beautiful woman 16 years younger. Now I’m a divorced man living alone at a Mesa, AZ RV resort in a 2011 Montana 3100 RL. Discovered her affair, she asked for a divorce so I left and found this super clean 5th wheel and had it delivered to an over 55 park. Living alone sucks. We came to Arizona from northern Michigan several years ago to be close to her ageing parents. Our friends were mostly her family and with the divorce I am suddenly isolated. This park is a very socially active place with events going on nearly every day. But it’s too depressing watching all these retired couples having fun together. Divorce is hard at my age but I need to figure this out. Other people go through hard times in life and they survive. Hate being alone all the time, especially this time of the year. That’s it, just clearing my mind this morning. Wish I could have my life back.
Maury, You need to contact me and we'll include you in our group. We are on the west side (Glendale) but you might just decide to move your trailer here. My Girlfriend gas lits of single friends.
Jeff 425.359.1111
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Old 12-26-2018, 02:25 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by Maury View Post
Noted you are on the right track by reaching out and hoping you can keep doing just that when you are up to it. Just curious - at the park you are in, they are all married couples? Or maybe it just seems that way? We all deal with stress in different ways (as you can read by some of your responses) - wondering how you dealt with it in the past? At your age and situation, 3 months can seem a long time what with (maybe) poor sleeping and asking "what did I do wrong", etc. So - how did you overcome bad events in the past and keep reaching out when you are feel like doing so.
We are in your area and have a very active group of guy friends. if you would be interested in coming across to the West valley in the Glendale area I'm sure the we could keep you busy and my girlfriend has lots of single girls that you just might like. Call me Jeff 425.359.1111
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Old 12-26-2018, 02:26 PM   #15
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I'm 76 and I understand what you are feeling. I have filled my life with volunteering. I'm treasurer of my amateur radio club in Reno. I spend 2 days a week volunteering at our regional hospital In the cancer center (I'm a cancer survivor). Before that, I volunteered at the local VA hospital. Our current volunteer corps consists of college students, retired doctors and nurses, everyday folks and several handicapped individuals (PTSD, Downs, cerebral palsy among others).



My wife has similar motivations, she volunteers at the Assistance League in the thrift shop and helps with clothing kids for back to school.



The Christmas season can be a hard time, especially if one is alone. Get out, get busy see what you can do to help others.
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Old 12-26-2018, 02:46 PM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by edmck View Post
I guess I’m reaching out here, never done anything like this before. I’m 75. Three months ago I was happily married to a beautiful woman 16 years younger. Now I’m a divorced man living alone at a Mesa, AZ RV resort in a 2011 Montana 3100 RL. Discovered her affair, she asked for a divorce so I left and found this super clean 5th wheel and had it delivered to an over 55 park. Living alone sucks. We came to Arizona from northern Michigan several years ago to be close to her ageing parents. Our friends were mostly her family and with the divorce I am suddenly isolated. This park is a very socially active place with events going on nearly every day. But it’s too depressing watching all these retired couples having fun together. Divorce is hard at my age but I need to figure this out. Other people go through hard times in life and they survive. Hate being alone all the time, especially this time of the year. That’s it, just clearing my mind this morning. Wish I could have my life back.
All those parks have thousands of groups that meet to do activities The members enjoy. Pick five and dive in. You will learn something new and meet someone new. We are all lonely from time to time and sometimes for a long time. . We all could use some more love. You are not alone. If you are a good person you will not stay alone.
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Old 12-26-2018, 02:58 PM   #17
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If I were you, I would rescue a Golden Retriever about 2-4 years old, so they over the puppy stage. They give unconditional love 24/7. We have had 7 of them in our 40 years of marriage, and the two we currently have love me way more than my wife ever will! :-) Plus you get the added benefit of going on walks around the RV park, and instantly you are a woman magnet, because they will want to pet your dog, and then you can get to know them. At home you will never be lonely, because as soon as you sit on the couch, the Golden will be right next to you.
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Old 12-26-2018, 03:20 PM   #18
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If I were you, I would rescue a Golden Retriever about 2-4 years old, so they over the puppy stage. They give unconditional love 24/7. We have had 7 of them in our 40 years of marriage, and the two we currently have love me way more than my wife ever will! :-) Plus you get the added benefit of going on walks around the RV park, and instantly you are a woman magnet, because they will want to pet your dog, and then you can get to know them. At home you will never be lonely, because as soon as you sit on the couch, the Golden will be right next to you.
Super advice!!!
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Old 12-26-2018, 03:37 PM   #19
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Nobody loves you more than Jesus. Seek him and you will find him. In the mean time hang in there and relax a bit.
X2. Along with the other good suggestions here to keep busy, if you are not already, find a local church and become active in it.
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Old 12-26-2018, 03:55 PM   #20
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Nobody loves you more than Jesus. Seek him and you will find him. In the mean time hang in there and relax a bit.
Amen!!
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