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Old 12-12-2013, 11:28 AM   #1
daily double
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Retirement

You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where...

1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.

2. You've experienced condensation on your hiney from the hot water in the toilet bowl.

3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.

4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.

5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.

6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!



OR



You can retire to California where...

1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.

2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.

3. You know how to eat an artichoke.

4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.

5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.

6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.



OR



You can retire to New York City where...

1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan.

2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.

3. You think Central Park is "nature."

4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.

5. You've worn out a car horn. (Ed. Note if you have a car).

6. You think eye contact is an act of aggression.



OR



You can retire to Minnesota where...

1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.

2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.

3. You have more than one recipe for casserole.

4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.

5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.



OR



You can retire to the Deep South where...

1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.

2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.

3. "He needed killin" is a valid defense.

4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.

5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder." It's important to know the difference, too.



OR



You can retire to Colorado where...

1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car.

2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home so he stops at the day care center.

3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.

4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.



OR



You can retire to the Midwest where...

1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.

2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.

3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.

4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at?"

5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"



OR



FINALLY You can retire to Florida where.

1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.

2.. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.

3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.

4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.

5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.
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Old 12-12-2013, 12:33 PM   #2
TLightning
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With those choices, I'd opt for the deep south.
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Old 12-12-2013, 12:43 PM   #3
bish
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Very interesting, entertaining and so true!
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Old 12-12-2013, 12:58 PM   #4
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Mid-west living isn't too bad. Now............where's my Monty at? Oh yeah, it's out in the driveway outside.
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Old 12-12-2013, 01:03 PM   #5
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Love it.....Very True!!
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Old 12-12-2013, 01:18 PM   #6
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I think I'll "pass" on commenting and comb my ponytail before I pick up Granola.
Thanks for the laugh!
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Old 12-12-2013, 01:29 PM   #7
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Heck I thought all of Y'all talked like dat.
Lynwood
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Old 12-12-2013, 01:33 PM   #8
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I think I will retire to my Montana and travel where folks are friendly and weather is nice
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Old 12-12-2013, 02:36 PM   #9
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Thanks for the chuckle. I'll stay here in the Mid South - North Atlantic - Virginia area. Ya'll hear?
Mike
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Old 12-12-2013, 03:06 PM   #10
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I think the mid-west is getting a bad rap. Picked up the truck for a 300 mile trip this AM and had the heater on, lunch in Parker had the AC on, getting gas at Q in the rain shut the whole thing off, driving back to Yuma the sun came out again and had the AC on, now it's cold again and would need the heater and this is supposedly the warmest part of AZ.
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Old 12-12-2013, 03:08 PM   #11
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The "state" of retirement is great no matter where you are located in this great nation. What an entertaining post.
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Old 12-12-2013, 03:50 PM   #12
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You can tell you have not been to the Central Plains Regional Rally here in Nebraska! The Midwest is definately getting a bad rap here Dick! For those that have not been to the CPRR come and join us in July and enjoy some great Nebraska hospitality. We always give our attendees a WARM welcome and try and show you a good time! Oh, by the way, this year we will be celebrating "Christmas in July" again at Pine Grove RV Park and Campground just off I-80 between Omaha and Lincoln. Watch for more postings of the upcoming CPRR and be ready to enjoy yourself!
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Old 12-12-2013, 05:25 PM   #13
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X2 on Ron's comment, if they would just make sure we get to eat,
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Old 12-13-2013, 03:00 AM   #14
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It's pretty hard to beat Wisconsin IN THE SUMMER. The weather does not stay the same very long at a time. In the winter it stays the same; COLD!! Plus the seasons are different from most other states. Wisconsin has
1. Winter
2. Road Construction
3. Deer Hunting
Thats It!
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Old 12-13-2013, 06:24 AM   #15
Art-n-Marge
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This..... is a good one...
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Old 12-13-2013, 08:22 AM   #16
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LMAO ,Nothing about the NW??? where you RUST not Tan or our state flower is Cannabis
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