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02-28-2006, 01:57 PM
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#1
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Montana Master
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Topeka
Posts: 1,121
M.O.C. #2215
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Something silly
For those of us who like puns
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married...The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
7. Patient: "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home'" Doctor: "That sounds like the Tom Jones Syndrome." Patient: "Is it common?" Doctor: "Well, 'It's Not Unusual'"
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman... The kids were nothing to look at either.
10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
12. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.
13. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fish.
14. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"
15. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
16. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
17. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
18. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him..(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good).. A super calloused fragile mystic vexed by halitosis.
19. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
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02-28-2006, 02:21 PM
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#2
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Montana Master
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Forestville
Posts: 6,025
M.O.C. #496
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Ha,Ha,Ha, thanks for the laughs.
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02-28-2006, 02:39 PM
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#3
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Montana Master
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Wetumpka
Posts: 4,936
M.O.C. #1105
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Extraordinarily funny. Thanks, Vicki!
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03-01-2006, 02:44 AM
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#4
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Montana Fan
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ore City
Posts: 325
M.O.C. #2831
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Those were funny , funny Vicki..thanks for sending...we all need to laugh and those were just what the Dr. ordered!!
Shirley
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03-01-2006, 03:23 AM
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#5
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Montana Master
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Orangevale
Posts: 2,341
M.O.C. #49
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Those are great. Thanks.....
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03-01-2006, 03:57 AM
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#6
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Montana Master
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Leona
Posts: 6,382
M.O.C. #2059
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Thanks for "pun"ishing us.
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03-01-2006, 04:19 AM
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#7
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Montana Master
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Fallon
Posts: 6,064
M.O.C. #1989
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Vicki
Laughs needed, you supplied. Thanks (I had to send #18 to all my daughters).
Happy trails................
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03-01-2006, 05:58 AM
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#8
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Montana Master
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Milford
Posts: 923
M.O.C. #1918
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Great puns!
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03-01-2006, 08:04 AM
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#9
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Montana Master
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Statham
Posts: 1,410
M.O.C. #3215
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Those are excellent, Vicki! Thanks for sharing!
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03-02-2006, 11:29 PM
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#10
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Montana Fan
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Sioux Falls
Posts: 398
M.O.C. #3846
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My kind of humor. Copied iti and sent it to my boys. Thanks
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03-03-2006, 03:00 AM
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#11
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Montana Master
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Cedar Rapids
Posts: 4,876
M.O.C. #1944
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Vicki:
For some reason, I needed these this morning. I always like to start off each day cheerfully and today you made my day.
Orv
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