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MEN'S RULES...
We always hear "rules" from the female side. Now, here are the rules from the male side. These are OUR rules! Please note these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1. Saturday and Sundays = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
1. Most guys at the most only own three pairs of shoes, tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your new dress?
1. 'Yes' and 'No' are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Check your own oil! Please.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
1. ALL men see in only 10 colors, like a Windows default setting. Peach for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve or magenta are.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We will do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1.If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as NASCAR, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have more than enough clothes, and way too many shoes.
1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to do a quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that - it's like camping.
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