When you become your parents parent
How many people on here are their parents parent?
I recently had to put most of my life on hold to start helping take care of dad. We almost lost him but he is a strong ol coot. I told him he couldn't kick over until we do a few more things at the farm.
The farm is an ongoing joke between the two of us because I always tease him about getting things done at the farm. He will ask me to come up and help him do something out there. We arrive and before we can start to work on the initial task we have to do 5 other things to get stuff cleaned up or moved to even start working. The amount of time this takes to rearrange ends up taking all the time we have to work on the project we started out to accomplish. We usually have to go home and he calls me the next weekend to do the same thing which starts the process all over.
This weekend we had to sit down and have the "Big Talk." You know the one about living wills, trusts and financial affairs. All of us kids are getting together to buy mom and dad a house which will be better for them to live in and just give them a better life in their final years. It isn't anything fancy just a two bedroom brick home. They have worked so hard to give us everything they could when we were growing up and now it is our turn to take care of them.
Bless their hearts. Mom with a double mastectomy and now dads near death experience in less than six months. Some how the topic of family furniture passed down since it came over from Germany in the 1800's and who should get what. I have always loved the buffet in the kitchen of the farm house. Dad has 4 antique buffets but there is one which I have always loved that has been in the same spot since the 1940's in the farm house. Dad has known this. When he would go check on the house I would ask him how my buffet was doing. When he asked me what I wanted from the farm I think my reply broke his heart. I simply stated if there was anything I wanted which he had at the farm I usually went to an antique shop to find one just like it to purchase or for furniture I would take a picture and have a wood shop build it for me. I quickly realized what I had done and told him if he wanted me to have anything just put it in your will and also requested a cookie jar so I could make sure I hadn't really hurt his feelings. I hope that cookie jar has some meaning so I haven't offended him.
I keep forgetting he is thinking about what to leave behind and us kids keep thinking about how to make sure to take care of them as best we can and give them a good life in their final years. It is really a strange place to be. While we are questioning their health and what the doctors say about their health they are thinking about what they are going to do for us like they owe us something. It is a very fine line to walk to not offend them and talk to them about it in a way that shows we are trying to do something to give them a good life in the golden years.
If I still have your attention thanks for reading. I am not looking for sympathy or cudos. I just needed to vent off some steam. This is a very strange territpry I have never traveled before. I can't believe none of my friends have been through this yet. They have no idea what it is like or what they are going to be going through in a few years. If any of you are going through this same thing I would like to hear from you. I have been keeping a diary of sorts to try and put together a guide for middle aged people who have to take care of their family as well as their parents.
Thanks for reading!
Phil The Okie Guy
|