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Now that I'm older, here's what I've learned. . .
I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
My wild oats have turned to prunes and All Bran.
I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.
If all is not lost, where is it?
It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.
The only time the world beats a path to your door is
when you're in the bathroom.
If God had wanted me to touch my toes,
He would have put them on my knees.
It's really odd that the shorter you get, the longer your pants get!
How come, if I'm so short, my feet are so far away when I need to tie my shoes?
When I'm finally holding all the cards,
why does everyone decide to play chess?
These days I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter...
I go someplace to get something and then wonder
what am I here after?
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