They Walk Among Us!!!!

[Exnavydiver]

How do these people survive?
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> > ONE Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the
> > menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12
> > Chicken Mc Nuggets. I asked for a half dozen
> > nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said
> > the teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied.
> > "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply.
> > "So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can
> > order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and
> > ordered six Mc Nuggets
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> > TWO I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with
> > just a few items and the lady behind me put her
> > things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of
> > those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register
> > and placed it between our things so they wouldn't
> > get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my
> > items, she picked up the "divider", looking it all
> > over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not
> > finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know
> > how much this is?" I said to her "! I've changed my
> > mind, I don't think I'll buy that today ." She said
> > "OK," and I paid her for the things and left. She
> > had no clue to what had just happened.
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> > THREE A lady at work was seen putting a credit card
> > into her floppy drive and pulling it out very
> > quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing,
> > she said she was shopping on the Internet and they
> > kept asking for a credit card number, so she was
> > using the ATM "thingy."
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> > FOUR I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping
> > beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked She
> > replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery
> > to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into
> > my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant
> > convenience store) would have a battery to fit
> > this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I
> > asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered,
> > handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key
> > and manually unlocked! the door, I replied, "Why
> > don't you drive over there and check about the
> > batteries. It's a long walk."
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> > FIVE Several years ago, we had an Intern who was
> > none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to
> > a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing
> > paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine
> > paper," the secretary told her. With that, the
> > intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper,
> > put it on the photocopier & proceeded to make five
> > "blank" copies.
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> > SIX I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a
> > large motor home was towed into the garage. The
> > front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and
> > the whole thing generally looked like an extra in
> > "Twister." I asked the manager what had happened. He
> > told me that the driver had set the "cruise control"
> > and then went in the back to make a sandwich.
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> > SEVEN My neighbor works in the operations department
> > in the central office of a large bank. Employees in
> > the field call him when they have problems with
> > their computers. One night he got a call from a
> > woman in one of the branch banks who had this
> > question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my
> > terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"
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> > EIGHT Police in Radnor , Pa interrogated a suspect
> > by placing a metal colander on his head and
> > connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The
> > message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and
> > police pressed the copy button each time they
> > thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth.
> > Believing the "lie detector" was working, the
> > suspect confessed.
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> > NINE A mother calls 911 very worried asking the
> > dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the
> > emergency room, the kid was eating ants. The
> > dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl
> > and it should be fine . The mother says, I just gave
> > him some ant killer..... Dispatcher: Rush him in to
> > emergency room!
> >
> > Life is tough
> >
> >
> >
> > It's tougher if you're stupid

[ole dude]

If your going to be dumb, you gotta be tough.

[sgtpp214]

The biggest problem is they reproduce.

[LonnieB]

The scarriest part is, I don't have any trouble believing any of them.

[tom41]

Lonnie, its really bad when we start to wonder if we "fit in" HA

[Tiffensdad]

When we first got to Florida our old Long haired Doxie was in need of some medication. The vet told DW that it was cheaper to have it filled with the human form of the medication as opposed to the vetenary form. DW took the prescription to a local Walgreens to have it filled. When she went to pick up the prescription for "Hairy - K-9" the young pharmacy tech looked up the prescription, then asked for MR. K-9's social security number and date of birth. DW explained that Hairy was a dog and as such did not have a SSN and his date of birth was only an estimate.
The tech insisted that Mr. K-9 would need to have an accurate DOB and SSN before she could issue the medication. Once again DW tried to explain and again was told that the information was needed and that if she did not have the information then maybe Mr. K-9 could come in and provide the needed info.
After another attempt to explain the situation, DW asked her to look at the original script for the prescription and note that it was issued by a vetrinarian and that once again, Mr. K-9 was indeed a dog. It took 4 attempts for the tech to understand the situation and DW finally got the prescription from a suspicious and somewhat confused pharmacy tech.

[Wayne and Carolyn Mathews]

I'm a teacher of kids who describe themselves as the "movers and shakers" of our high school (the Advanced Placement literature kids). Once, when teaching the meaning of the literary term allusion, I used a passage from a poem that made an allusion to Mona Lisa. I asked for a volunteer to explain the reference. One of the more interesting characters in the class flung up his hand and shouted, "I know who she is. She's that lady over in China or somewhere who kinda dresses like a poor nun or priest and she helps the people because she gives all her stuff to them." It took a moment, and then it dawned on me: Mother Teresa. He thought the allusion to Mona Lisa was a reference to Mother Teresa, the "lady who sort of dresses like a poor nun." Yes, sgtpp214, you're right--they certainly do reproduce.

[FlashG]

True Story, Last month DW and I decided to try some of McDonalds coffee. It was evening so we thought we would order "Half Decaf". The employee couldn't fill the order since they do not make half decaf. The poor girl even asked her supervisor who said "We dont do that"