Clean, Non-Rv Jokes

[adelmoll]

The Dinner Club
A group of country neighbors wanted to get togather on a regular basis and socialize. As a result, about 10 couples formed a dinner club and agreed to meet for dinner at different neighbors RV's each month. Of course the lady of the RV was to prepare the meal. When it came time for Jimmy and Susan Brown to have dinner , like most women Susie wanted to outdo all the others and prepare a meal that was the best that any had ever tasted tasted before. A few days before the big event, Susie got out her cookbook and decited to have mushroom smothered steak. When she went to the store to buy mushrooms, she found the price for a small can was more than she wanted to pay. She told her husband, "We aren't going to have mushrooms because they are too expensive." He said "Why don't you go down by the creek and pick some of those mushrooms, there are plenty of them right there."? She said "No, I don't think so because I have heard that wild mushrooms are poison" He said, "i don't think so. I see varmints eating them everyday and it never has affected them."
After thinking about this, Susie decited to give this a try ang got in her toad to go down to pick some. She brought th ewild mushrooms bakk home and washed them, sliced and diced them to get them ready to go over the steak. Than she went out the door and got Ol'Spot's bowl(dog) and gave him a doble handful. She even put some bacon grease on them to make them tasty. O;' Spot didn't slow down til he had eaten every bite..Susie watched him all morning and the mushrooms didn't seem to affect him so she decited to use them. The meal was a great sucess, and Susie even hired a lady from town to come out and help her serve. It was first class. After everyone finished they all began to kick back and relax. About this time the lady from town came in and whispered in Susie's ear "Mrs. Brown, Spot just died". Susie got hysterical. When she finally calmed down, she called the doctor and told him what had happened. The doctor said" thats bad but I can handle it. I will call an ambulance and have everyones stomache pumped out, Everything will be fine". Soon the ambulance came down the road and the EMT"S got out their stomache pumps and proceded to pump each persons stomache. They were all looking pretty peaked sitting around the campfire, and about this time the town lady came by and said, "You know, that fellow that ran over OL' Spot never even stopped.

[Glenn and Lorraine]

Actual Courtroom Quotes

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-nine, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't realize it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

Q: Your youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: So the date of conception of your baby was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: Six.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the suspect?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard and a mustache.
Q: Was this a male or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was laying on the table screaming as I was doing the autopsy.

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.