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I have a Q20 also. I'm not sure I totally understand your problem but after experimenting and talking to Curt, here's how I hitch. By the way, carefully read the instructions on the side of the hitch.
When you pull out the hitch handle to open the jaws, green color should be showing in the little sight window. (If it's yellow, you need to pull the handle until it shows green and flip over the little silver lever to hold it open to green). I failed to do that at first and it caused frustration.
I set the trailer height so that when I back into the hitch pin that the trailer arm gently slides or rides up on the hitch plate. (If the trailer hitch is 1/4" above the truck hitch plate, it does not like to latch).
If you set it right, you barely bump the hitch pin and it closes. You should never need to bang it.
To help myself reconnecting, I measured the height of my 5er before I disconnect. I know the computer remembers the height when you unhitch, but when I go to hitch up again, I usually need to tweak the height maybe an inch.
Once you perfect your technique, you'll like it.
By the way, do not forget to occasionally check the torque on all your hitch bolts.
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