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Betsy, you're right--when you need your mom, you need HER, and when she's gone, it seems as though there's no other place to turn for the support she gave you when she was alive. It will become less painful, believe me, which is not to say that the sad moments won't continue to creep up on you occasionally. Meditation helps, as does prayer. I also found it helpful to remember some of the funny/weird or special times with my mom to help me get through the dark hours. Oddly enough, however, it was my father's death that hit me the hardest. I really hit the bottom after he died, but remembering all the special times he shared with me--like standing elbow-to-elbow with a million other people down at Boliver Pass near Galveston to fish the "croaker run" every year--chased away the sad times and put a smile on my face after a bit. (The man had to be a saint to put up with me, baiting my hook, and untangling my line for hours on end!)
You're in my prayers. You are definitely going through a hard time. Happiness will envelope you again, though. Be patient. Do what you have to do to get through the moment. You're in my heart.
Carolyn
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