On The Lighter Side..Clean RV Humor

[Montana_621]

Satisfied Customer

Dear Tide,

I'm writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all through my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties, I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to berate me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck.

One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white blouse. I tried to get the stain out using a bargain detergent, but it just wouldn't come out. After a quick trip to the supermarket, I purchased a bottle of liquid Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came right out!

In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I would no longer be considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband. What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect!

I thank you, once again, for having such a great product. Well, gotta go. I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people.

Signed,
Satisfied Customer

[Montana_621]

False Teeth

A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth.

Turning to the man next to him he said, "I forgot my teeth!"
The man said, "No problem." With that he reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. "Try these," he said.

The speaker tried them. "Thanks, but they're too loose," he said. The man then said, "I have another pair...try these."

The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight."

The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more pair... try them."

The speaker said, "They fit perfectly!" With that he ate his meal and gave his address.

After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him. "I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've been looking for a good dentist."

The man replied, "Oh I'm not a dentist. I work at the morgue.."

[Montana_621]

A Woman Scorned

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of Chardonnay. When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything, cleaning, mopping, and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.

Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit. Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move. A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.

Word got out, and eventually, even the local realtors refused to return their calls. Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place. The ex-wife called the man, and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely, and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back. Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed, and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home, including the curtain rods.

I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU????

[D and M On The Road]

More RV Humor


A man and his wife from California were driving their Montana 5th wheel across Florida and were nearing a town called Kissimmee. They noted the strange spelling and tried to figure how to pronounce it -- KISS-a-me; kis-sim-me; kis-im-MEE?

They grew more perplexed as they drove into the town. Since they were hungry, they pulled into a restaurant to get something to eat. At the counter, the man said to the waitress, "My wife and I can't seem to be able to figure out how to pronounce this place. Will you tell me where we are and say it very slowly so that I can understand?"

The woman looked at him and said; "Buuurrrgerrr Kiiiinnnng."

[D and M On The Road]

Reading Can Be Hazardous


A family from Arizona travelled on vacation with their Montana 5th wheel, with Disney Land being the destination.

Their seven-year-old daughter was thrilled as it was her first time at the park and she headed straight for the Space Mountain ride.

Her parents were worried that the roller coaster would be too scary for her, but she insisted. To her delight, they rode it twice.

Since they had so much fun, they returned the next year to the Magic Kingdom, and their daughter, now eight, again dragged them to Space Mountain.

As they stood in line for the ride, the father could see their daughter studying the signs that warned about the dangers of the ride's speed.

"Dad," she said, "I don't think I want to go."

Her father asked her why she would be nervous when she had enjoyed herself last time.

She replied, "This year, I can read."

[D and M On The Road]

You Mean I Have A Choice?

After two weeks of being cooped up with each other while travelling across country with their Montana 5th wheel, the retired couple’s bickering and fighting was at an all-time high which made the husband drink even more than he already did.

After a particular nasty day of trying to get along, they stopped at a restaurant for a meal. Their meal was delayed and the waitress offered apologies and free drinks while they waited.

The husband instantly ordered a gin and tonic for himself. The waitress then asked the wife whether she wanted anything. The wife replied, “Oh no thank you. I would rather commit adultery than drink alcohol!”

The husband looked at the waitress and said, "Madam, I’d like to cancel my drink order. I did not know there was a choice".

[Montana_621]

LOL LOL!!!

quote:Originally posted by D and M On The Road

You Mean I Have A Choice?

After two weeks of being cooped up with each other while travelling across country with their Montana 5th wheel, the retired couple’s bickering and fighting was at an all-time high which made the husband drink even more than he already did.

After a particular nasty day of trying to get along, they stopped at a restaurant for a meal. Their meal was delayed and the waitress offered apologies and free drinks while they waited.

The husband instantly ordered a gin and tonic for himself. The waitress then asked the wife whether she wanted anything. The wife replied, “Oh no thank you. I would rather commit adultery than drink alcohol!”

The husband looked at the waitress and said, "Madam, I’d like to cancel my drink order. I did not know there was a choice".

[Montana_31]

If a man has multiple personalities and he commits suicide, is it a hostage situation?

[toolmanroy]

Oh, dear, how funny! It brings back memories of when I worked in a psychiatric office. This is TRUE. A man came in and insisted that we stop sending bills to "John Doe" at his address. He was not John Doe, he was "Bill Smith." He was very angry and insisted we fix it. We made a note and after he left we got out his file. His diagnosis was multiple personality disorder, which they call dissociative disorder these days.

[Thunderman]

Really enjoyed all the jokes and humor.
Paricularly "Be Careful What You Wish For" and Grandparents "Tough Love" Thanks!