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02-16-2007, 11:43 AM
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#1
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Montana Master
Join Date: May 2006
Location:
Posts: 1,695
M.O.C. #5751
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Puns
(1) King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war
with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the
Euphrates , the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he
went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan. Croesus said, "I'll
give you 100,000 dinars for it." "But I paid a million dinars for it," the
King protested. "Don't you know who I am? I am the king!" Croesus
replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are."
(2) Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid
bowlers. However, all the Swiss league records were unfortunately
destroyed in a fire, and we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
(3) A man rushed into a busy doctor's office and shouted "Doctor! I think
I'm shrinking!!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll
just have to be a little patient."
(4) A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins
that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One
day, his supply of the birds ran out so he had to go out and trap some
more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the
road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he
was arrested and charged with transporting gulls across sedate lions for
immortal porpoises.
(5) Back in the 1800s the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to
produce other products and, since they already made the cases for watches,
they used them to produce compasses. The new compasses were so
bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California
... This, of course, is the origin of the expression, "He who has
a Tates is lost!"
(6) A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the toilets
and urinals, leaving no clues. A spokesperson was quoted as saying, "We
have absolutely nothing to go on."
(7) An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man.
After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of
elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite off, chew, and
swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine man
returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said,
"The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."
(8) A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name
missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the
local civic official who apologized profusely saying, "I must have
taken Leif off my census."
(9) There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept on
an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three
became pregnant, and the first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept
on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This goes to prove that the squaw
of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two
hides.
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02-16-2007, 12:45 PM
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#2
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Montana Master
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Wetumpka
Posts: 4,936
M.O.C. #1105
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Really cute, Cat. Thanks for sharing the laughter.
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02-16-2007, 12:55 PM
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#3
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Seasoned Camper
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Royal
Posts: 66
M.O.C. #6706
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Bet you had to dig long and deep, to come up with them.hehehehehe lol
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02-17-2007, 12:57 AM
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#4
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Montana Fan
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Northeast
Posts: 414
M.O.C. #5072
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Patricia Whack, a bank loan officer was approached by a frog, who claimed he was Mick Jagger's son, and wanted a loan. His only collateral was a small ceramic figurine. Ms. Whack told her boss about the frog and showed him the figurine, saying "What is this?" He said "It's a knick knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling stone".
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02-17-2007, 02:01 AM
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#5
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Montana Master
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Grand Blanc
Posts: 2,508
M.O.C. #5965
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Those were great. CAT and Bob, you made this guy that has been sick for a while laugh out loud, all by myself. Just remember, Make no bones about it but the ulna has a humerus side to it.
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02-18-2007, 05:50 AM
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#6
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Montana Master
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Madison
Posts: 1,239
M.O.C. #5906
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Here's another one.
Roy Rogers and Dale Evans were out riding the range one day when Roy was pounced upon by a mountain lion. The lion grabbed his foot and pulled off his new boot, then got his other foot and the other boot. The lion then took off chewing on the boots as he ran. As Roy and Dale were returning to the ranch for another pair of boots, Dale spotted a mountain lion lying on a rock outcropping. She called over to Roy saying, "Pardon me Roy, but is that the cat that ate your new shoes."
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02-19-2007, 08:04 AM
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#7
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Montana Fan
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Palm Bay
Posts: 423
M.O.C. #4308
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A man went into a Bank to apply for a loan, the teller told him to go to Helen Waite the loan officer.
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