For all your that are not farmiluar with LA
1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is L A.
2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush
hour is from noon to 7:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. On the
105 or 110, your speed is expected to match the highway number. Anything
less is considered "Wussy".
4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. L A has its own version
of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first
at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, in
Malibu, SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed
out, and possibly shot.
6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can get
you shot.
7. Road construction is permanent and continuous in all of L A and
Orange counties. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment
pleasure during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit
more exciting.
8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,
barrels, cones, celebs, rubberneckers, shredded tires, cell phoners, deer and
other road kill, and the coyotes feeding on any of these items.
9. Map quest does not work here, none of the roads are where they say
they are or go where they say they do, and all the freeway off and on
ramps are moved each night.
10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder
immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated."
11. If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55-65 mph zone, you
are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly.
If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
12. Do not try to estimate travel time, just leave Monday afternoon
for Tuesday appointments; by noon Thursday for Friday; and right after
church on Sunday for anything on Monday morning.
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