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Old 03-26-2008, 05:38 PM   #1
JimF
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Houston (Rules of the Road)

Someone asked about getting across Houston in another thread. Thought I would post the rules of the road that are in play in Houston so you know what to expect.

Rules of Houston , H-Town, 3rd Coast, Bayou City , The Dirty 3rd, or whatever you wanna call it.

1.. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is "Hue-stun," not "Ewe-stun", or "house-tun" Oh yea, the street is pronounced "San Phil-ee-pay," not" San Phil-eep" (San Felipe). Enunciate, you idiots!

2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Houston has its own version of traffic rules...Hold on and pray. There is no such thing as a dangerous high-speed chase in Houston . We all drive like that.

3.. All directions start with, "Go down to Loop 610".... which has no beginning and no end.

4. The Chamber of Commerce calls getting through traffic... a " Scenic Drive .."

5. The morning rush hour is from 6:00AM to 10:00AM. The evening rush hour is from 3:00PM to 7:00PM. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.

6. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out and possibly shot. When you are the first one off the starting line, count to five when the light turns green before going, to avoid getting into any cross-traffic's way.

7.. Kuykendahl Road can ONLY be pronounced by a native Houstonian.(kirk-en-doll)

8. Construction on I-10, I-45, US 59 and Loop 610 is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment.

9. All unexplained smells are explained by the phrases, "Oh, we must be in Pasadena !" or "God, I hate Baytown !" or "Mmm, smell that Texas City !"

10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.

11. All old ladies with blue hair in a pink Cadillac have total right-of-way.

12. The minimum acceptable speed on Loop 610 is 85 mph. Anything less is considered downright sissy. In turn, the minimum speed on Westheimer is at least 45mph...

13. The wrought iron on windows in east Houston is NOT ornamental.

14. Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper sticker that says, "Keep honking, I'm reloading." In fact, don't honk at anyone.

15. If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 mph in a 60 mph zone, people are not waving when they go by.

16. The Sam Houston Toll road is our daily version of NASCAR.

17. If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.

18. When in doubt, remember that all unmarked exits lead to Louisiana .

22. If you live in Katy and I live on the south side of Houston we'll never hang out.

23. The best thing about being drunk between 2-5 am is Whataburger will serve both breakfast and normal menus.

24. You are always able to be pulled over by any police vehicle, even if you were just given a ticket.

25. You don't have to wait for an exit to get off a freeway, just follow the ruts in the grass to the feeder like everyone else. This is how Houston residents notify Texas Department of Transportation where exits should have been built.

26. Else-where, they are called frontage roads... Here in Houston, they are called FEEDER roads, so don't look stupid when we say "Exit the feeder road and use the loop-d-loop"

If you don't live here, most of this will sound utterly insane, but to all of us who call this home nothing but the truth and you know it!!!





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Old 03-26-2008, 05:45 PM   #2
Charlie
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Good info for Carol & Al on their trek through Houston.
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Old 03-26-2008, 06:13 PM   #3
Waynem
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Jim nailed it on the head.
Engineers have retired working on the Gulf Freeway (I-45S) between Houston and Galveston after 20 years of public works. AND IT'S STILL UNDER CONSTRUCTION.

And don't forget, you can either take the "inner loop" or the "outer loop" to do the loop-d-loop. Posted speed - 55. As Jim stated, driving speed 85.

Between the outer loop (Beltway 8) and down town Houston, the speed limit is 55, but you can do 70 unless you don't want to be passed be all the other drivers.
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Old 03-27-2008, 01:33 AM   #4
ole dude
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Got on Hwy 71 one time to go to Houston, got as far as Columbus, the sign said Houston left, So I turned around and went home.
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Old 03-27-2008, 02:18 AM   #5
Glenn and Lorraine
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I knew I didn't wanna go there and now I'm sure.

Sounds like one of the cities in Southeast PA. I won't mention it's name but they got a Cheese Staek named for them.
In Southeast PA, we say Philly is a great place to be from, about as far from as you can get. For outsiders it sounds like Houston may also fall in that category.

ole dude---Your reply was the absolute best.
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Old 03-27-2008, 03:52 AM   #6
kroencke
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Jim-Loved it! Been here 27 years and am amazed how nothing improves. Just gets worse. Jackie
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Old 03-27-2008, 08:31 AM   #7
Dustytuu
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That is so funny!
Thanks for sharing.
Sounds like Denver and suburbs too.
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Old 03-27-2008, 10:19 AM   #8
JimF
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Dustytuu, I have lived in Houston and Denver, Denver is really organized compaired to Houston.

Kroencke, I came to Houston in 1943 and left in 1959, came back in the 80's left, back 90's left back 2007 and now 2008. I swear the same section of I10 is under construction that they were working on in the 50's. I saw I45 from Houston to Galveston open, was the Gulf Freeway then. We walked it prior to it opening. The area in Webster they are working on has been that way for over 40 years. You gotta love it, your tax dollar at work and work and work.
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Old 03-28-2008, 01:05 AM   #9
kroencke
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I also grew up in Denver. Lived there before moving here. You are right that it is more organized. Doesn't seem like they have so much construction all the time. Might be their rail system helping. Jackie
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Old 03-29-2008, 09:14 AM   #10
Wayne and Carolyn Mathews
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Oh, JimF, you definitely got it right about Houston. I grew up there a hundred years ago, and because we still have family in the Houston/Bay City/Wharton/Chappell Hill area, we get to experience that traffic and constuction regularly. My favorite item on your list was #25. True, true, true!

Carolyn
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Old 03-30-2008, 08:29 AM   #11
skypilot
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Had the opportunity to follow someone from Houston yesterday while driving through Topeka KS (they had a new vehicle that still had the dealer name and location (Westide Chev, Houston TX) for a license plate). Regardless, no turn-signals, cut two people off changing lanes (and just barely missed each of them), and then exited the interstate by cutting from far left lane to exit ramp in front of a 3rd vehicle (that one honked and was still shaking his head when I went by him a few seconds later)... Interesting way of getting around I guess.
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Old 03-30-2008, 11:23 AM   #12
JimF
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Houston driving is a full contact sport.. Should be an olympic event.
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Old 03-30-2008, 03:50 PM   #13
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When in the RGV we were warned about the drivers in Houston as that is where we were headed. After spending two weeks in the area it is my opinion that Houston drivers are no worst nor better than any other area of the country. We are now in the Keys and there are not as many vehicles, but I am convinced that none of the drivers here have the slightest idea how to drive safely. Keep your eyes peeled and drive with the expectations that the other driver will do something stupid.
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Old 03-31-2008, 03:43 PM   #14
Countryfolks
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I thought some of them were kind of polite when we were there in Feb. I signaled for a lane change and was let in very quickly, Maybe it was the AR plates on a 1t truck vs a very small car.

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