getting offended

[stiles watson]

Many of us are easily offended. There is a book I often read that says that offenses will come, but woe to him through who they come. This tells me a couple of things. First, as long as I live and breathe, I will get offended. "Offenses" is plural. "Will come" expresses certainty, it's gonna happen.

On first reading, I like that other part, "Woe to him through whom they come". Whoever offends me is gonna get it. Good!! Then on second thought, sometimes I may be offended, not because the offender is so offensive, rather I am so easily offended. My offense actually comes to me because my skin is so thin.

Wouldn't it be great if we could see the face and hear the tone of what is posted? But we can't. Perhaps we might all do well to develop both diplomacy in what we post and a thicker skin to what we read.

One way to thicken my skin may be to remember that an idea contrary to my own does not usually constitute rejection of me as a person. If it does, it speaks to the character of the one who is doing the rejecting.

[Ozz]

Nice post, makes you think..... and that is a good thing.
Ozz

[trukdoc]

Thankyou for the post. One form of offense is that if someone says something we do not believe we tend to get our feathers ruffled. I come across a passage once I wish I could find again " It is sinful to be blindly led" As Stiles pointed out not everything that comes across as offencive is meant as such, could it be the person that made the statement simply wanted to provoke thought?

[Mrs. CountryGuy]

Stiles,

Nice post.

Take the following as a thought provoking questions, not a slam:

Is this why so many feel they must make appologies for their posts? So, as to not offend.

Is this why some of our previous heavy posters, are now hiding in the shadows and rarely post?

As far as your comment:

"Wouldn't it be great if we could see the face and hear the tone of what is posted?"

My thoughts would be that more use of the Smilies available to us would help. Use one like when some of your comments could be contrued as a little "smarty pants". Use , when you are really happy about something. And so forth.

Thanks Stiles, for a great post, as yours always are.

[cmp-shooter]

I had an operation to remove the part of my brain that gives a cr*p what people think..now I feel much better

This helps me get along liveing here in NEW ENGLAND...

THIS IS WHY I HAVE A MONTANA, I can go to HILTON HEAD SC AND BECOME SOMEONE ELSE. well you know what I mean.

[skypilot]

When we see someone speaking, we look at their face and hand gestures and gain as much information from them as we often do from the words which they speak. The old cliche of saying one thing and meaning something else comes through much more clearly when you can see the person speaking. However, when we type, we have to rely on the words conveying our meaning, and since we are all in different parts of the country, reading at different times of the day, with different emotional presences at that time, we potentially see (and read) the same words and get different meanings from them. The use of emoticons help but there are some who feel those are childish ( -- I happen to enjoy and use them!!) and there are others who, because of their travels, are still limited to text only email (albeit, I'd assume many fewer each day). As technology improves I believe we will reach the point (and day) when our post will include a motion picture of us doing the posting -- body language will once again become part of the post and our communication.

Some will fight that though -- I also believe there are some who post to be mean (trolls???) and the video would ferret them out.

A Happy 4th to you all -- Be safe. I want to hear from you all tomorrow!!

[Verle and Sue]

"As technology improves I believe we will reach the point (and day) when our post will include a motion picture of us doing the posting"

Oh no, you mean I'll have to watch what I'm wearing while I'm posting?????

[Cat320]

quote:Originally posted by Mrs. CountryGuy

Stiles,

'snip'...Is this why so many feel they must make appologies for their posts? So, as to not offend.

Is this why some of our previous heavy posters, are now hiding in the shadows and rarely post?

'snip'....

Question 1...yes, this is the most sensitive forum to which I belong. If there is even a perception of stating something controversial as fact (even if it is fact), rather than saying it is just an opinion, the thread and/or post will be gone.

Question 2...yes, I have had several PMs from people who no longer are interested in posting due to problems noted in question 1.

[richfaa]

Good post Stiles..Sometimes we are offended because the truth hurts.... SueC2..you can do that now...We use Video conferencing all the time.

[stiles watson]

Thank you to each who have complemented the post. My purpose in writing was to have each of us reflect on our own attitudes and actions, not apply it to "those other people", "those other posters". My suggestion is for each of us to look in our own mirror and let others reflect on their own image.

[jrgwdenner]

This forum may be described as "sensitive" or friendly. The friendliness of this forum, even kindness, is the reason that so many of us have enjoyed the forum in the past.

[skypilot]

My wife was just reading this over my back and made the following observation: The MOC is like me (skypilot) and my brothers and sisters. We fight like cats and dogs at times (can get downright mean to one another), but when one of us needs help, we pull out all the stops to provide what is needed to get them up and going again, no matter what that is. The MOC family may not fight like cats and dogs but we sure do pull together. The great number of posts where helping ideas, directions, and people traveling MILES to assist someone they only know by this site attests to that. Her comment as she was just leaving to check some laundry was 'tell them to keep it up - there is no one better that I've [she's] seen!'.

[HamRad]

Communication at its best is often woefully inadequate for what we may be trying to explain. We've seen that type of thing time and again here on MOC. AND any other Forum you are likely to belong to. We are quiet lucky if we happen to actually get our thoughts out there clearly and then get the desired results returned! A most happy set of circumstances when this happens.

But no matter how difficult it is we must keep trying. We must look closely at what we actually said and see if that was the cause of the mis-communications. Then we must look at those who responded but NOT the way we would have expected. Things get really complicated at this junction. All kinds of communications devices come into play at this time as well as the opening of several other disciplines: Psychology, religion, multi-national corporations, and the list goes on and on. So you can see communications can be a very complicated process.

I often simply , after coming into contact with a particularly difficult bit of communications, will go sit in a corner somewhere and cry quietly in front of my keyboard. Sometimes I am able to recoup and come up with an appropriate response and things become clear and the communications continue smoothly.

Often as not I just sit and cry and then turn off the computer and go back out into the real world. I often cry as much or more in the real world. Oh, Well, One of these days I'll get the hang of it and be able to finally "really communicate".

Until then we're all stuck with what you see!

I sure wish I knew what I was talking about!

HamRad

[richfaa]

In a previous life I had occasion to write "Memo's or directives" where I was attempting to communicate to others a thought or a plan of action.It was of course clear to me since I wrote it and understood completely what I was communicating.How could anyone misunderstand, it was as clear as it could be??? I would give that communication to someone to read and tell me what it said. The secretary,fellow worker, The wife, anybody.You would be surprised at how many times I might have to rewrite before it was acceptable for general comsumption.

[Dustytuu]

Nice post Stiles. Of course your post always are great post.
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I have a very thick skin. I was in management for many years and learned, can't make everyone happy or please everyone. I don't mind people disagreeing with me but wish they would read what I say before they disagree and don't jump to conclusions.

As far as the truth hurts..... I don't think people read or understood my posts competely.
I feel sometimes that people think I am stupid. I know more than people give me credit.
I will continue posting occassionally here but not as much as I did.
Until we change brands, then I will join the carri lite forum.

[sreigle]

Good post, stiles. I remember once when we first got email in the office. My boss came running over to tell me he just reread an email he sent me and it didn't come across the way he intended. At least in this forum we all can delete our own posts by clicking that trash can above the post.

I agree, we don't get the entire message when we cannot see the body language nor hear the tone of the voice. And that makes it very easy to misconstrue intent. I'm as guilty in that as anyone.

[fulltimedreamer]

This forum is my favorite. I enjoy coming here everyday, some times multiple times. I appreciate the wealth of experience that is this forum. I've come to think of you all as dear friends and speak of you with my friends and family, even though I have only met a couple of you face to face. On this forum, we share the good times - new grand child, new truck, sold the house, new puppy, new coach, anniversaries, birthdays, etc. We also share bad times - death, illness, accidents, etc. Whatever we share we always get support and prayers form our MOC friends. I have also seen folks step forward when someone was ill and offer to drive their rig or tow their coach to help them get home.

Sometimes folks can come across a little gruff, but I haven't had to walk in their shoes, so I think I'll just give them the benefit of the doubt. A Good Book I have read has a passage that says, "A soft answer turns away anger". That seems to work in every relationship I have.

I hope that folks will stay around and contribute to the forum. If they don't we all lose. BTW, I haven't encountered anyone on the forum that is "stupid". Most of us have worked hard to get to enjoy the RV lifestyle. As far as I'm concerned, hard working people aren't "stupid". They are the people that keep the USA and Canada the best places to live in the world!! Off my soapbox.

I hope you are all having the time of your life!!!!! Good night friends! God bless.

[Glenn and Lorraine]

I am about as guilty of offending people as they come due to my "telling it as it is" attitude. When I tell it like it is I am voicing MY OPINION and everyone is entitled to their opinion good, bad or indifferent. Some will agree with me and some undoubtably won't but that's the nature of the beast. I would much rather have someone telling me like it is than agree with me just for the sake of agreeing.
Over the past 4 years, I have made an undetermined number of close friends within the MOC family and even those friends know that if I don't agree with what they are saying I will be voicing MY OPINION and tell them like it is or how I conceive it to be.
With few exceptions, If I have ever offended anyone I do apologize but even this apology does not change my opinion.
Like someone else pointed out, you have to be thick skinned or you are going to get offended quite often as not everyone you encounter through your life is going to agree with your every word.
It takes a lot to offend me and when I am I try to get over ASAP and get back to life.

[ole dude]

Well- I have been reading on this forum and I recon I dont see maybe what others see-- to me a great forum. After having delt with the public for many, many years I have gotten more forgiving than in my early years. 99% of people are really good folks, wont let the other 1% spoil my day. Also I believe many people have a difficult time expressing their true feelings or opinions either over the telephone or in print and come across as harsh and not really intend to be. This is after all a public forum and some folks are not accustomed to speaking in public. I very much enjoy the forum, the folks on the forum and very much look forward to meeting yall on the road someday.

[Dustytuu]

Glenn you have never offended me. You are still and always one of my favorite people.
Looking forward to seeing you and Lorraine.