My Mom - Montana Owners Club

labmom · 11-10-2008, 06:21 PM

When my Mom got to the hospital they were trying to stop her brain from bleeding and were unsuccessful. They put her on life support until my brother got there (he is medical power of attorney) and about half an hour ago they were taking her back up to ICU to unhook her from life support as there was no brain activity. Even if the doctor could have operated, he would not have been able to save the portions of her brain that were damaged.
The hardest part for me is that I was not there when she died to hold her hand and tell her one more time just how much I loved her. I know that some of you will say that she knows but that still doesn't stop the hurt and terrible loss I feel. My mom and I were very close as I was growing up and in these last years I feel like I let her down by not being there for her. We are looking for a good dog boarding place and then we are going to head for Illinois to join my other brothers and sister as soon as possible.
I don't know if we are taking computers or if I will take mine. At this point, all I want to do is to get with my family as soon as possible. So, if you don't hear from either one of us, it's because we didn't take our computers.

Bill-N-Donna · 11-10-2008, 07:10 PM

Sorry to hear about your mom. Sometimes there isn’t anything we can do. I lost my mom a few years ago to similar circumstances and it isn’t easy to give them up. It does leave a vacant place in our lives.

labmom · 11-10-2008, 07:40 PM

Bill and Donna, thank you so much for your reply. Yes, I didn't ever want to let her go and though I know I had to one day, I was hoping that I could be there when it happened. Unfortunately, this time, I couldn't be and that hurts the most. I lost my dad several years ago so the loss is doubly hard to take.
I am still numb but I know there is going to come a day when I go to pick up the phone and call her and the pain will be unbelievable. I don't know what will happen then, I will have to wait and see.

ehmcfarl · 11-10-2008, 10:53 PM

Betsy, I am new to this forum and don't know a lot of people like most of you do, I don't know you; but, I am sorry to hear about your loss. I lost both my parents 29 years ago and I still miss them. I will be thinking of you and saying a prayer that you will have strength to endure the next few days. May God bless and keep you close.

Buddy

Mrs. CountryGuy · 11-11-2008, 02:25 AM

Betsy,

We have met, and I have to say to those of you who have not had the pleasure, that this gal is one of the sweetest people EVER~!!!!

Betsy, I know you are in pain and feeling guilty, but, knowing you, I know that your mother knew and felt and understood your love! If she was half as sweet as you are, she would not have wanted you to miss your travels and Big Sky experiences. She also would not want you to feel guilty!

In time you will remember the fabulous times and relationship.

Now, go be with your siblings, and grieve, and tell some tall stories or sweet stories about mom to each other.

Hugs, safe rides.

Driftwoodgal · 11-11-2008, 03:49 AM

Betsy,

I am so sorry to hear about your loss of your mom. I lived right next to my parents and was the sibling that took care of my parents for about seven years. My mom passed away during the night at home in her bed. It ate me up for years that I wasn't there when she passed. It took a while to understand that she knew I would have been there if I could, but that wasn't God's plan. I cherish the memories that we created together, and as for talking to her, shucks I don't need a phone I have a straight line just by opening my mouth. I was blessed with a mom that was my best friend. It sounds like you were blessed with the same type of relationship with your mom. We both have been blessed by two angels that raised us. My prayers are with you and yours.

Colleen

itaves · 11-11-2008, 02:51 PM

Betsy,

So sorry for your loss and sorrow at this very difficult time for you and your family. There is never a perfect time for those of us left behind to accept the passing of our our loved ones. Take comfort in those cherished memories that you and your mother shared during her life. Love is measured by the lifetime you shared with her, not by the moment of death.

May God be at your side during this time of sorrow.

labmom · 11-20-2008, 02:35 PM

Thank you so much everyone. We are back in Tennessee and it is really hard. I want to be with my friends and siblings more than ever now. And, I am starting to lose the numb. My gosh, this hurts so much!!! Yes, my Mom and I were best friends and when I had talked to her last year about not being there for her, she assured me that she had lived her life and now it was time to live mine. However, I still feel guilty and regret not spending the night with her when we were down there and not going down to see her last summer. I will work through this eventually, it will just take time. I just want to pick up the phone and call her in the worst way. I know she can hear me, but it isn't the same.
And, Carol, what a wonderful thing to say. Thank you so much. Yes, my Mom was a real sweetie. She had lots and lots of people at her memorial service, more than anyone had expected.

Mrs. CountryGuy · 11-21-2008, 02:00 AM

Betsy,

Take that one fact, that so many attended her funeral, and clasp it close during the hard moments. That alone says so much about your mother. She was well loved and respected.

Just last weekend Al and I got one of those horrid emails, telling of the passing of a friend. She was 51. She was kind and giving. She is the one I turned to while at the bottom, when we had all that house trouble. I shot off one email to her and the help we had been looking for for over 5 years was suddenly offered, directed, forthcoming. She literally saved us. At the viewing there were so many people that they had to have a receiving line in order to guarantee that all that came could express their sympathies to the husband and 2 daughters. I had never seen anything quite like it.

The point of my longwindedness this AM, is that the numbers at that funeral home told me a lot that night, as it does about your mother.

Allow yourself the time to grieve, then start remembering, maybe writing down, your good memories of your mom.

If she told you she had lived her life and it was time for you to live yours, then DO IT!! Honor her in that way.

Hugs!

boylanag · 11-21-2008, 03:25 AM

Betsy, you are still in our thoughts and prayers. Your mom was seeing her near future and still being your mom by telling you that she wanted you to go on and live your life now. You will not be able to honor her any more than by living your and Dave's lives to the fullest. God will continue to bless you and we look forward to meeting up with you again.

rving2us · 11-21-2008, 04:51 AM

Deepest sympathy from both mary and myself. Jon

capn chris · 11-21-2008, 07:35 AM

Betsy,
I think the saying goes something like "May all of your wonderful memories of your Mom comfort you during your time of loss and grief." Neat memories of my Mom helped get through the loss. Best wishes to you and Dave.

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