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Old 10-09-2008, 04:26 PM   #1
Exnavydiver
Montana Master
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Land O Lakes
Posts: 2,751
M.O.C. #7753
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Puns for your enjoyment

Get you mind off of Politics a few PUNS



1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out
to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it
was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in
his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for
littering.

8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum
Blownapart.

9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are
looking into it.

12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to
the other, "You stay here, I'll go on ahead."

14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: "Keep off the
Grass."

16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When
his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, "No change
yet."
 
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Old 10-09-2008, 11:29 PM   #2
Glenn and Lorraine
Montana Master
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Clearwater
Posts: 10,917
M.O.C. #420
What do you get when you cross...
A banana with a red silk dress? A pink slip.
A canary with a mole? A miner bird.
A cat with a lemon? A sourpuss.
A chicken with a bell? An alarm cluck.
A dog with a cantaloupe? A melon-collie baby. (d)
A dog with a chicken? A hen that lays pooched eggs.
A dog with a daisy? A collie-flower.
A dove with a high chair? A stool pigeon.
A fawn with a hornet? Bambee.
A gorilla and a sheep? A very nice wool coat, except the sleeves are too long. A ham with a karate expert? Pork chops.
A hedghog and a snake? Two yards of barbed wire.
A hummingbird with a doorbell? A humdinger.
A kangaroo with a sheep? A wooly jumper.
A movie with a swimming pool? A dive-in theater.
A parrot with a centipede? A walkie-talkie.
A pig with a cactus? A porkerpine.
A pit bull with a collie? A dog that bites your leg off and runs for help.
A policeman with a telegram? Copper wire.
A potato with an onion? A potato with watery eyes.
A rabbit with a kilt? Hopscotch.
A spider with a rabbit? A hare net.
A termite with a house? An exterminator.
A tiger with a needle? Pin stripes.
A tree with a baseball player? Babe Root.
A vampire with a snowman? Frostbite.
A vulture with a small grass house? A scavenger hut.
An Eskimo with a pig? A polar boar.
An Indian with a cow? Geronimoo.
An evangelist with a hockey puck? A puck that saves itself.
An owl with a goat? A hootenanny.
Telly Sevalas with a pool table? A billiard bald.
The Atlantic Ocean with the Titanic? Half way.
The Green Giant with Robin Hood? A Hoe-Bow.
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