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Diary Of A NON-SnowBird...
December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Those Florida Snowbirds have no idea what they are missing. Moving to northern Minnesota was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snow plow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.
December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor, Bob, tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that you won't be able to find that Montana in your back yard. And that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man. I'm glad he's our neighbor.
December 14: Snow, lovely snow! 8" last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! Was having so much fun shoveling that I even shoveled a path back to the Monty just to for the heck of it. The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way. I wish I wouldn't huff and puff so.
December 15: 20 inches forecast. Sold my 2X4 F250 and bought a 4x4 Silverado 2500HD with the Duramax. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. After all, we aren't in Alaska.
December 16: Ice storm this morning. Fell on my a$$ on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel of her.
December 17: Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity has been off for 5 hours and I can't get online. No MOC, no RVnet. I had to pile the blankets on just to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.
December 18: Got another 15 inches. Doesn't it ever stop? Now the old lady thinks I should shovel out to the Monty and crank up the furnace in it. What has she lost her mind?
December 20: Electricity's back on, but had another 14" of that white crap last night. More shoveling. Took all day. That freakin snowplow came by twice and buried us each time. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and the salesman said they're out. I think he's lying too! His boss said they might have another shipment in March. I think they're both lying.
December 21: Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying. Finally got back online and paid a quick visit to the MOC forum. Can't believe it, Steve now has over 7500 posts. I think he cheats.
December 22: Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white sh*& fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to go to the john. By the time I got undressed, peaed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire the guy down the street who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the a$$hole is lying.
December 23: Only 2" of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she...nuts??? Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying too. Can just barely see the air conditioner on top of Monty.
December 24: 6". Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the SOB who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his you know whats. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too darn busy watching for the freakin snowplow.
December 25: Merry Christmas. 20 more inches of the freakin white slop last night. Snowed in. Haven't seen the Montana in days. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God I hate the snow! Then the idiot snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel.
December 26: Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? Should have sold everything, packed up the Monty and headed for Florida like Glenn and Lorraine. This was all HER idea. She's really starting to get on my nerves. That reminds me, has anyone seen my Montana?
December 28: Warmed up to above -50. Still snowed in. Still haven't seen the Monty. THAT WITCH is driving me crazy!!!
December 29: 10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?
December 30: Well the roof caved in. The snow plow driver is suing me for a million dollars for the bump on his head. The city sent me a bill of 400 bucks for shoveling my sidewalk. AND another 9 inches is predicted. The only good thing is the old bat went home to her mother . So what, all she did was nag nag nag
December 31: They perdicted 9" but we got another 24". I knew they were lying. Set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.
January 8: I feel sooooo good. I just love those little white and green and yellow pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed? Why are the walls padded? Why are they all wearing white suits???
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