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Old 09-28-2009, 05:58 PM   #1
stiles watson
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Trying again...

Trying again to address relationship issues.

First, I served in the Marines. I own guns. I totally support the Bill of Rights including the right to keep and bear arms. The last time I was on a firing range with my 30.06 Springfield, I put 5 rounds into a target at 200 yards that could be covered with the palm of your hand. So whatever I have to say has nothing to do with gun control at all.

I advocate self-control, especially by anyone who has a problem with a volatile, quick temper. When emotions escalate, reason de-escalates often resulting in irrational behavior. I have done enough counseling with people who had to deal with great remorse after acting out, in the heat of the moment, in destructive ways. Their regret could not undo the harm caused. This is not even debatable.

Now put that kind of volatility, mixed with alcohol, in close proximity to lethal weapons, particularly guns, it is a formula for disaster. Yes, knives, baseball bats and tire irons could also be lethal. However, a gun is more prone to accidental lethal discharge. This is multiplied when judgment and motor control are impaired by some substance.

My whole reason for addressing this and its relation to RVing is that when couples retire, they have to face being together much more than during the pre-retirement lifestyle. In learning how to live with each other in such close proximity feelings and emotions can become tense. Other issues that were part of the relationship long before retirement are magnified in this new lifestyle. So protect yourself and your life partner with voluntary self-control in keeping guns away from easy access.

My reason for posting now is motivated by having testified in a murder trial where the deceased and the accused were both my former clients. They had been married for twenty to thirty years. I am reasonably satisfied that they loved each other even on the day that one of them felt so threatened that they used a gun to defend them self. The shooter never intended to kill, but the spouse is dead. Again I say, "No one is immune."

I will not respond to questions concerning the case nor will get into a gun control debate.

 
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Old 09-28-2009, 07:20 PM   #2
Trailer Trash 2
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I wont go into the topic or the events that happened to your client. But it seems like those kind of events are happing every day when I watch the news. some people just snap..... and there brain goes hay wire. it is a sad thing to see and hear. like the movie "The war of roses" but it's in real life,not a movie.
I do agree that space is sometimes needed with couples, I call it "Me Time" for me. but thats life nothing or nobody is perfect.
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Old 09-29-2009, 12:00 AM   #3
HamRad
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The most important thing in any relationship seems to be what type of communications process arises and works. We are 'thrown' together in a 5th wheel type setting and sometimes don't make proper allowances for any possible changes.

We need to always be aware of where we are and who and what is around us. It is just safer that way. Not always easy to do because we all are so different in how we go about our daily lives. But Stiles has given us some very good information to chew on.

Thank you Stiles. I know we can never know the anguish and pain you have gone through but hopefully we can learn a bit about ourselves and be the better for it.

Thank you.

Dennis and Mary Kay
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Old 09-29-2009, 12:43 AM   #4
rames14
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There are many things that go together, but guns and alcohol are not two of them. Neither are tempers and guns. I guess it gets back to the fact that you can't legislate morality, but somewhere there must be some personal responsibility. Stiles, I am sure it was difficult going through this experience. I attended a trial earlier this year of a fifteen year old who stole a handgun from my RV.After the trial, I am convinced there is another teenager out there that either still has the gun or got rid of it. I would encourage everyone to keep their weapons locked up. I keep the ammo in a separate safe. As a result of my experience, I have changed some of my practices. We should learn from our experiences.
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Old 09-29-2009, 01:11 AM   #5
Tom S.
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Alcohol and many things don't go together: guns, knives, clubs, auto's, etc., but perhaps the key thing here is people. Alcohol can manifest or exacerbate emotions in people that otherwise go unnoticed or at least controllable. While I know nothing of the situation you reference, I suspect if alcohol was removed from the equation, this posting wouldn't exist. Some people can control their use of alcohol (as opposed to the other way around), but as life shows, many cannot.
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Old 09-29-2009, 02:09 AM   #6
DonandBonnie
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Stiles,
When Bonnie and I first discussed going full time, we were both working and raising our son who has since grown and moved out on his own. Life was full of spats and arguments, some of which could have been marriage ending. At that time in our lives the confinement of full time living in a Montana could have been disasterous. We have now been retired for more than a year and are together constantly, we have grown closer and really enjoy life together. There is no doubt that the path to full timing that we have chosen will work for us. My opinion is that understanding your relationship with your spouse is the most important consideration when deciding if the full timing or long timing lifestyle is right for you.
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Old 09-29-2009, 06:24 AM   #7
richfaa
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I do understand the posting. a "significant emotional event" was exerienced by a indiviual close to those involved. I served on a murder trial several years ago. In this case a wife klled her husband by stabbing him with a large hunting knife. There was a long history of abuse by the husband and she killed him as he slept..she felt he woud kill her or the children when he woke. Our system failed her. There is I am sure more to Stiles story but his point is well taken.
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