Twenty Nine Lines

[DHenry]

This was sent to me and I thought you all would enjoy it also.

TWENTY NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE

1..My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
He thought he was God and I didn't.
2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
6.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
9.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
10.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
11.. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
12.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
13.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
14.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
15.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
16.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
17.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I
Grew up.
18.. Procrastinate Now!
19.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
20.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
21.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
22.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
23.. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
24.. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
25.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three
thousand times the memory.
26.. Ham and eggs? A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime
commitment for a pig.
27.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
28.. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
29.. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.

Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!
Life is too short and friends are too few .

[stiles watson]

Funny, thanks!!

[exav8tr]

I think # 19 is pretty close to reality. It's a sad commentary that many college graduates today have no jobs in their chosen profession. I remember years ago when I went into the military I wanted to be in Air Traffic Control. They told me there were no openings for ATC and I could be a medic or a cook, well, call me doc!!! I have one son with a degree in computer science working in financial planning and another in accounting working in accounting. One out of two ain't bad, I guess. I sometimes think that the business of colleges is not educating but making money instead, but then I digress.

Really like these sayings.....I am smiling!!!!!!

[Dustytuu]

Very funny! And clever!

[HamRad]

Doug and Sharon,

Some funny stuff in there and I like the very last thing you posted the best! Too true!

Dennis and Mary Kay


Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!
Life is too short and friends are too few .

[mamashappy]

thanks for sharing! they brought many a smile