We are officially empty nesters... - Montana Owners Club

Ozzie · 08-19-2008, 01:46 PM

Took our youngest off to college yesterday. It's a lot different with the house empty and quiet already. I thought I was going to be ecstatic, but part of me feels a little separation anxiety already.
Something tells me my wife is gonna have a hard time as she's had 30 years raising kids and now the only ones around are myself and our dog Bailey. Any tips to help mothers cope?
I bet I have to take her camping more...

Hemlockusa · 08-19-2008, 02:30 PM

BRUCE, get her excited about BRANSON IS FINE FOR 2009. Also plan on heading to the Rio Grande Valley, I will haved a cold one or two or three or four waiting.
John

Ozzie · 08-19-2008, 02:55 PM

Thanks John!

I love Branson myself, but the little woman wants to see more of the country and now shes' been to Branson, so we're looking to expand our coverage as dollars and time permit.
The Rio Grande sounds pretty awesome...love to share a cold one with you.

paperheart · 08-19-2008, 03:22 PM

Our mistake when our last son left for college was to go on a vacation where we had always gone with our kids before (Mackinaw Island). It was so depressing, we were miserable. We learned from that experience that we needed to make some new memories and we did, camping in new places. Now we can go back to the old places and it's ok but just not @ first. You really miss them @ the dinnertime, it is suddenly just the 2 of you, so quiet. It doesn't take long tho and you find that it's fun deciding what just the 2 of you want to eat and your meals become very cozy and nice. They do come back and @ first you really look forward to that then the longer you are without them you realize that when they do come home they just mess up your house, LOL. After that, they bring the wife and grands then you're really glad when they go home,haha. We have 5 children 4 of whom are married and 8 grands. Life keeps changing but it's always fun.
paperheart

mail2us · 08-19-2008, 03:23 PM

Bruce and Pam; we had the good fortune of having both our children attend Univ Florida at Gainesville FL. While they attended we invested in season tickets to the Florida Gators football games; drove to Gainesville on available weekends and "fed" the kids, and enjoyed our visits with them. It was great. They both came home and would always joke that we never turned their rooms out for borders! We both were workaholics and struggled with missing them both or the "noise" as we called it that was now gone. Even our dog Mitzi was depressed! We took the next stage of our lives together re-aquainting, and Judy while still working was looking forward to retiring early from her mutual fund job. Our adventures remain today with our two grown children, their spouses and the grandchildren we now have. One of their daughters goes off to college next year. They too, may become future Montana owners like us asking and sharing the life experiences. Take Pam out to dinner, tell her you love her and she will soon exert her command of managing to you. Be ready for it and it's really not that bad. Oh, and do the dishes instead of using the dishwasher at least once a week and just listen to Pam. Don't let her read this from a total stranger, but it's from the heart and with our Montana respect. Best to you both. The children will always come back home...to visit!!! Dennis and Judy

Waynem · 08-19-2008, 05:45 PM

Bruce,
Keep her busy! Get out of the house.

Life is a circle. We get married and then we can't wait to have kids. Then we can't wait for them to be of an age where we can get a baby sitter so we can attend some functions. Then we can wait for them to be old enough so that then don't need a baby sitter anymore. Then we can't wait until they are old enough to be out and on their own. Then we can't wait until they come home to visit. And then we can't wait for them to leave. And then, well, I think the picture is there.

But seriously, keep the DW busy, and yourself to keep your mind off of it. Remember that the one that just left the nest is going to be lonely (maybe) also. I'll bet the daily phone calls have already started, and that's good. Keep busy, keep busy, keep busy.

stiles watson · 08-19-2008, 06:11 PM

When things change, we suffer a sense of loss. Grief goes with loss. These are natural feelings. The one thing I have seen demonstrated over and over is that you cannot go around grief. You have to go through it. So feel the pain, the anger, the depression ........ and then as you process it, feel the hope and challenge about your future and that of your children.

Problems come when a person gets stuck somewhere in the grief process, particularly in denial. I know you guys don't like to hear this, but learning to talk through those feelings accelerates a persons ability to get through the grief. Happy RVing........

Ozzie · 08-19-2008, 06:27 PM

I just knew you guys would understand...thank you for the kind words.
I appreciate it a lot and I know my wife would too if she read it.

Here I am looking for campgrounds near her college so we can camp in the area and bring our dog for her as they slept together every night.
I'm thinking of trying to ease things with a visit, but do you think this is butting into her new life that she's starting?

fernsco · 08-20-2008, 03:38 AM

Let your daughter set the tone. She probably is already absorbed into her new routine but would enjoy having the parental units swing by to restock the food, get taken out to dinner (or home cooked meal in the Monty). Include her roommate or new friend(s) in the invite. Our daughter's roommates became "adopted daughters" to us all through college. When we visited we always took them to dinner or breakfast as well. We were invited to their weddings after college and the roommate's parents were invited to my daughter's wedding last year.

Now that is a different empty nest feeling....when the daughter(s) get married!

paperheart · 08-20-2008, 07:11 AM

PS Home cookin' from Mom is always appreciated by a college girl and her friends. You can bake cookies and send them and that lets you focus on her without intruding. Right @ first they are just too busy to have much time for you but as soon as it settles down a bit they do call home. If they're close enough to come home often you get a chance to cook for them and their friends and that is always nice. Shopping for their favorite snacks is something you definitely miss. Pretty soon your house has only healthy stuff in it (boring)and when you hear they're on their way you have to run out and buy all that junk food. Boy I sure do miss having a Dorito around, LOL When you miss them desperately, go sit in their room and pray for them. I still do that and I've been an empty nester for 4 years now. Life does get happy again, paperheart

richfaa · 08-20-2008, 10:53 AM

The first thing to do is change all the door locks so they can't get back in.

then think about all the things you would have liked to have done but could not because of the kids..then do them. After all those years of child raising your job is done and there is now time for yourselves. This is the first day of a new and exciting adventure. We love our kids and grand kids and they can visit us anytime they want to where ever we are and if they can find us.

catsR4me · 08-20-2008, 11:20 AM

When our youngest left for college, the empty-next syndrome hit me like a ton of bricks! Never thought it would but boy was I taken by surprise. I'd walk past the kids pictures on the wall in the hallway and end up balling my head off. Although I wasn't aware of it, over time I finally started adapting. That really became apparent when the first visit home happened. I was so happy that our son was home -- for about two weeks that is and then I was ready for him to go back to school. Like someone mentioned, it's a grieving process but it does pass. The void begins to fill with other interests and doing more things with your spouse. Remember the freedom you had BEFORE kids? Well, it's 10 times better AFTER kids and a lot of years of experience, knowledge, and wisdom under your belt!

Cathy

Ozzie · 08-20-2008, 02:10 PM

Well Rich...you got me...I was all set to hear of how to deal with things and you say change all the locks...it got me a good one. Thank you for that - I needed it.
Our daughter is already making new friends and she just got there. I just had a short talk with her and she was on her way out to a comedy show with new friends. I guess I needn't worry so much about her, she'll be having more fun than I will.
I already got the orders from my wife too...no more blaming the dishes on the counter on my daughter since she's not there...uh-oh...

Exnavydiver · 08-21-2008, 06:33 AM

Ozzie, are we going to see you at the Fall Rally? If so when are ya leaving as we will be traveling some of the same roads on the way down... Dave

Ozzie · 08-21-2008, 01:39 PM

To be honest Dave, I don't know when or where that rally is...we are looking for somewhere to go this fall and were thinking about the Black Hills. I'm dyinng to get my diesel in some good hills and get it broken in.
You just never know...we loved the trip down to Branson.

stiles watson · 08-21-2008, 02:19 PM

If you like the rustic beauty of the bad lands, both North and South Dakota have something to offer. There is Mount Rushmore And Chief Crazy Horse in South Dakota. We really enjoyed Theodore Roosevelt National Park in western North Dakota. An entertaining week can be spent at Medora, ND, at the south gate of the Roosevelt National Park.

You may also like: