On The Lighter Side..Clean RV Humor

[D and M On The Road]

Be Careful What You Wish For!


A RVing couple were eating dinner in their Montana 5th wheel. Both born the same year and month, they were celebrating their 60th birthdays. During their dinner celebration, a fairy appeared and said that because they had been so loving she would grant them each one wish.

Very excited, the wife said that since she had already visited most of North America in her Montana, she would like to visit Europe. The fairy waved her magic wand; airline tickets instantly appeared in her hand.

Then it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, then said with a sly look, "Well, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."

The fairy waved her wand, and presto, he was 90.

[D and M On The Road]

The Good Ol' Days

A couple of elderly RVers who'd recently celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary were sitting on the sofa in their Montana 5th wheel, when the wife said, "Dear, do you remember how you used to sit close to me?" He moved over and sat close to her.

"Dear," she continued, "do you remember how you used to hold me tight?" He reached over and held her tight.

"And," she went on, "do you remember how you used to hug me and kiss me and nibble on my ear?" With that, her husband got up and started to walk toward the bedroom.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"Well," answered the husband, "I have to get my teeth."

[D and M On The Road]

A motorhome spotted in traffic towing a small car with this sign on its back window:
"I'm a good car. I go where I'm towed to go."

[D and M On The Road]

DeJoke

A young, pregnant RVer named Sally was visiting relatives when she went into labor early and was involved in a traffic accident on the way to the hospital. She survived, although she was left in a coma.

When she awoke a few days later in the hospital she was no longer pregnant! She asked her doctor, "What happened?"

He replied, "Sally, you had twins -- a boy and a girl. Your brother named them for you."

"Oh, no!" shrieked Sally. "Not my brother! He is crazy!"

The doctor replied, "Well, Sally, your brother named your daughter Denise."

"Whew, that's not so bad," she replied, looking very relieved. Then, hesitantly, she asked, "What's the boy's name?"

"Denephew," he said.

[prariepoodle]

Thanks Margee, you started my day off with a laugh.

[D and M On The Road]

Moonlighting

An RVer who was traveling a "scenic back road" with his Montana 5th wheel got hopelessly bogged down in an unexpected muddy hole on the road.

A few minutes later, a passing farmer drove by on his tractor and offered to pull him out of the hole for only $20.

After the truck & Montana were back on dry ground, the RVer said to the farmer, "At those prices, I bet you're pulling vehicles out of this mud day and night."

"Can't," replied the farmer. "At night I haul water for the hole."

[toolmanroy]

Funny! I always need a good laugh as I sit here working all day with only myself for company

[D and M On The Road]

Fish Tale


An RVer named Bill, was stopped by a game warden in North Carolina as he was returning to his Montana 5th wheel with a bucket full of still-alive fish.

"Do you have a license to catch those fish?", the game warden asked. "No, sir. These are my pet fish", the RVer replied.

"Pet fish"? the warden asked.

"Yes sir. Every night I take these fish down to the lake where I camp and let them swim around for awhile. When they hear my whistle, they jump right back into the bucket and I take them back to the Montana."

"That's a bunch of baloney," the game warden said as he reached for his pad of citations.

The man looked at the game warden for a moment and then said, "If you don't believe me, then follow me back to the lake to see how it works".

Still suspicious, but curious, the game warden agreed. So they walked to the lake. There, the RVer poured the fish into the lake, where they disappeared into the water.

"Okay, said the warden. "Call them back."

"Call who back?"

"The fish," replied the warden.

"What fish"? asked the RVer.

[D and M On The Road]

"Dear Abby"


Dear Abby,

I recently read your column advising grandparents on "tough love" of misbehaving grandchildren. I really enjoyed your column and have taken your advice.

My grandson Tommy is always acting up and his parents don't allow me to spank him, so I just take him for a ride with my motorhome, and you know, he calms down afterwards and promises to behave.

I have enclosed a picture demonstrating my "tough-love" technique while I'm babysitting.

Signed,
Tough Love Grandma

PS... If the picture doesn't show directly below, here's a link it see it: http://www.rvadvice.com/images/kidoncar.jpg

[faeb and genb]

We were traveling with our 5ver & came up behind a MH towing Geo & on the back of the Geo was a sign please be patient with me I'm pushing this big old MH.
Gene

[toolmanroy]

After a Christmas break, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holidays. One small boy wrote the following:

We always used to spend Christmas with Grandpa and Grandma. They used to live here in a big brick home, but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida. Now they live in a place with a lot of other retarded people. They all live in little tin boxes. They ride on big three-wheeled tricycles and they all wear nametags because they don't know who they are. They go to a big building called a wrecking hall; but if it was wrecked, they got it fixed because it's all right now. They play games and do exercises there, but they don't do them very good.

There is a swimming pool there. They go into it and just stand there with their hats on. I guess they don't know how to swim.

As you go into their park, there is a dollhouse with a little man sitting in it. He watches all day so they can't get out without him seeing them. When they can sneak out they go to the beach and pick up shells that they think are dollars.

My Grandma used to bake cookies and stuff, but I guess she forgot how. Nobody cooks, they just eat out. They eat the same thing every night, Early Birds. Some of the people are so retarded that they don't know how to cook at all, so my Grandma and Grandpa bring food into the wrecked hall and they call it "pot luck."

My Grandma says Grandpa worked hard all his life and earned his retardment. I wish they would move back up here, but I guess the little man in the dollhouse won't let them out.

[D and M On The Road]

The Male Blonde Joke

As a couple of RVers were at a roadside rest stop inside their Montana 5th wheel eating lunch, they watched a couple of blonde guys working on the landscaping around the rest stop.

One would dig a hole, the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in. They worked furiously the whole time the Rvers were there; one guy digging a hole, the other guy filling it in again... over and over.

The RVers were amazed at the guys hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing.

So one of the Rvers stepped outside the Montana, walked over and asked the hole digger, "I appreciate the effort you are putting into your work, but what's the story? You dig a hole and your partner follows behind and immediately fills it up again."

The hole digger stopped, leaned on his shovel, wiped his brow and sighed, "Well, normally we are a three-man team, but the guy who plants the trees is sick today."

[Parrothead]

Thank you all for the good laugh. With all the complaining today and yesterday, it is good to find some humor. We are still trying to put things away in our new 3400 and WE LOVE IT, LOVE IT.

[D and M On The Road]

...All-Righty Then


Did you hear about the guy who was pulling his Montana on the interstate in the
fast lane going 90 miles per hour and got into an accident?

He lost his left arm and left leg in the accident.

He's all right now.

[D and M On The Road]

".....OLD"


"OLD" is when your wife says, "Let's go upstairs & make love," and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!"

"OLD" is when a sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.

"OLD" is when going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

"OLD" is when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

"OLD" is when you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

"OLD" is when "getting a little action" means you don't need to take any fiber today.

"OLD" is when "getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.

"OLD" is when "all nighter" means not getting up to potty!

[D and M On The Road]

"Do You Remember the Slogan for.........."


Few people know that the late Tom Maxwell, founder of Maxwell House Coffee, was a veteran skydiver and RVer.

He liked to tour airports in the USA with his Montana 5th wheel and it was common to find Tom at the different airports in his Montana relaxing and visiting with friends as he waited for his next drop (jump).

One day, however, something went wrong on a drop, and his parachute failed to open.

Tom was beloved by all, and his family, friends & employees were horrified of his passing.

When it came time to prepare his headstone, they had no problem finding the words that told exactly how they felt about him:

Tom Maxwell

August 8, 1930 - June 30, 2002

"Good to the Last Drop"

(It's a joke. There wasn't a "Tom Maxwell". In fact, there wasn't any Maxwell family associated with the coffee company.)

[DHenry]

Thanks for the laughs, they are great.

[Montana_1520]

Thank you one and all for those great jokes. I am sitting here at almost 11:00PM California time, laughing out loud. The neighbors and the #29 male fan think I've gone crazy. And the set of the OLD jokes is priceless...just can't stop laughing!
#29 female fan - still awake and laughing
04 3670RL Big Sky
04 Chevy 3500 CC Dually 4WD Duramax/Allison

[D and M On The Road]

Hey! is For Horses


A horse walks into a bar. The bartender looks up at him and says, "Hey, why the long face?"

Before the horse can answer, another horse walks into the bar, but this second horse has a set of jumper cables clipped to his head.

The bartender looks at the second horse and says, "Hey, don't you try to start nothin' around here!"

[Montana_621]

LOL! That was bad!

quote:Originally posted by D and M On The Road

"Do You Remember the Slogan for.........."


Few people know that the late Tom Maxwell, founder of Maxwell House Coffee, was a veteran skydiver and RVer.

He liked to tour airports in the USA with his Montana 5th wheel and it was common to find Tom at the different airports in his Montana relaxing and visiting with friends as he waited for his next drop (jump).

One day, however, something went wrong on a drop, and his parachute failed to open.

Tom was beloved by all, and his family, friends & employees were horrified of his passing.

When it came time to prepare his headstone, they had no problem finding the words that told exactly how they felt about him:

Tom Maxwell

August 8, 1930 - June 30, 2002

"Good to the Last Drop"

(It's a joke. There wasn't a "Tom Maxwell". In fact, there wasn't any Maxwell family associated with the coffee company.)